I am going through all the “feels” this week as my birthday approaches and I reflect on what I have accomplished toward the goals I set last year. Yesterday marked my “gymiversary” as the day I started prep for my first show. It was the point when I said no more using kids as an excuse to not fully commit in the gym and got my butt in gear. You know my story with how horrible that went…. But there is positive in all of it and I want to share it with you since I give you credit for my “ah-ha” moment.
I have a friend that I have been mentoring regarding some things fitness but mostly her relationship with food. She has burned through many coaches, wasted money on countless wraps, pills, cleanses (I was going to choke her if she asked me to buy the “pink drink” one more time), sought out new online programs- one right after the other, done meal plans, done macros etc. etc. and each time she winds up failing and discouraged. Last week when I was talking with her about barriers to success, she brought up that she always just gets frustrated and hungry –that’s when she says whatever, I will eat what I want and it spirals downhill. I asked her to stop in those moments and think about where that emotion was coming from and why food had that power over her. Was she truly hungry? Was she mad, sad, tired? What else was going on that mad her want to stuff food in her mouth as a resolution?
And that is when I had the “ah-ha” moment. I remember you asking me the exact same question while I sat in my car on the brink of a meltdown after stuffing Chuy’s down my throat to the point of no return. I was powerless and using food to validate everything I was feeling from my prep. I can honestly say now, food has no power over me. I can sit down in any Mexican restaurant and not even notice the chip bowl, bread baskets mean nothing to me anymore and I can go out to eat, make meals fit my macros and STILL come home to a Yasso bar without thinking twice about it. I have come SO far since that conversation 7 months ago and I am forever grateful. Did I get off track a little during my reverse? I sure did, but I have the tools now to fix it. Overall I am coming out mentally and physically stronger than I have been in many years.
I absolutely have anxiety being in prep again; I fear past emotions taking over current success. However, I know I am capable and my mind is stronger than my tummy J Thank you a million times over for your guidance and perspective. I’d be crazy by now without you and our FBF family!
Alaina M. Wallace, DNP, RN, CCM